hotel room ftw
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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