What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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