I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
