Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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