Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
