it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
