Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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