Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
there is puke in my bra ... again
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