There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
