Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
