I will die if light touches me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize