I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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