She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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