I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize