i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize