How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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