Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
