I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
