his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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