He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
