i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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