It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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