we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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