matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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