So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
