Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
