Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
