and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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