Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
