Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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