The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
