Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
