he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
