i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize