Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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