I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
