we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
