your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
