Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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