its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
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it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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