It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
