votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
