you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just invented taco cereal.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
