you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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