fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
