Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
