And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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