One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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