Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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