he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize