Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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