where am i from again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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