cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
