mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize