I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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