I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize