I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
