Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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