dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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