why didn't you poke me back
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
