I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize