Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
