I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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