if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
