...so i touched it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
